Love Thyself?

A common message we hear in our Western culture today is the need to Love Yourself. In a world of unrealistic beauty standards and a consumeristic approach to relationships, it is easy to see why women often struggle with their identity, finding their worth in external circumstances or the value bestowed on them by society. “Love yourself” can be a refreshing sentiment for a woman who finds herself defined by others and enslaved to the thoughts and opinions of the people around her, or exhausted by constantly trying to be all things to all people and coming up short.
But as believers, we are called to “not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds” (Rom 12:1-2). We should hold every thought and feeling up to the unwavering Light of Scripture, and ask ourselves not if a message “feels right”, but if it is biblical.

So, society aside, what does the Bible actually say about loving ourselves? Let’s look at the only two passages that specifically mention self-love.

Ephesians 5:28-30: “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.”

Mark 12:30-31:  “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Nowhere in the Bible is it commanded that we love ourselves. Why? BECAUSE THE BIBLE ASSUMES THAT WE DO. Think about it, what is our first instinct if we touch something hot? What about when a ball is flying through the air at our face? We self-protect.

Scientists, for years, have stated that the greatest human instinct is self-preservation. We are born into this world already self-obsessed. A baby never once thinks: “Hmm, my mom has been up for a long time, maybe I should let her sleep a little bit longer before I cry”. Anyone with children has had to walk through the difficult “learning to share” phase. Why? Because, innately, we put ourselves first. We love ourselves first. Now, as society has shown us, over time, we may not LIKE ourselves very much, but the desire for personal happiness and satisfaction and success motivates many of our decisions as humans.

So when scripture talks about loving others, what example does it give of the kind of love we should have? The one that comes instinctively. Our gut reaction to shield ourselves from danger, to feed ourselves when hungry, to run for shelter when it rains, is the kind of love we should extend to others. Love others AS we love ourselves.

In fact, when the bible describes love, true love, it is almost always self-sacrificial. Why? Because denying yourself for another is counter-instinct. The bible does not seem to be concerned with our lack of self-love; on the contrary, it warns against pride 100 times.

Is knowing your worth in Christ important? Yes. Is acknowledging that you were created with a purpose and in the image of God necessary? Yes. But if the biggest takeaway when you hear “Love your neighbor as yourself” is “I need to love myself more,” then we are missing the point of what Jesus is saying. Let’s make the main point the main point. 
What does the Bible say is the greatest example of love?

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 This is how they will know we are His disciples (John 13:35). THIS is gospel love.