God is Fully in Control

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” – Psalm 46:10

It was a regular Tuesday morning, I drove to work, had a meeting to plan for the week's professional development that I was helping lead, started planning out the school year and then I got a call. Now this was a call I was expecting to get at some point within the week, but the tone of concern in the voice on the other end had me nervous. I ran to the department head and my boss telling them I was headed home, got in the car, and started making phone calls to people.

First call, my mom, emotions are under control, there is panic but not the “frenzy” panic more the “something’s going on and I have no control here” panic. The second call is to Pastor Josh, Gracie is going to the hospital and I’ll be there in 45 minutes. It looks like the baby is coming today, tears are building up and nervousness and fear, as I’ve never felt before, are starting to brew. Josh prays over me, bringing me comfort and encouragement. The next call is to my Dad, tears are now coming down, and I share the same news with him, Gracie is in the hospital, and the baby's heart rate is being monitored. The fourth call, to my sister, tears continue. She feels my concern and tells me to turn to the Lord and trust Him because it is not in my control but fully in God’s. Phone calls end.

I begin to pray out loud on the highway. The concerns are still there but I know God will keep Gracie and JT safe. Prayer continues. I pray I can support Gracie and JT through these next few hours. I need to be consistent and strong. I turn on some music and these are the lyrics to the first song I hear.

“Be Still, Slow Down, Breathe In, Breathe Out, And Know that I am God.”

Tears are now rushing and I am surrendering more now than ever to God.

I get to the hospital, I see Gracie, the doctor comes in and shares the plan moving forward. It's not the news we were hoping for but trust our doctor wants what is best for Gracie and JT. Fast forward a few hours, JT’s heart rate continues to drop every time there is a contraction, so we have to do a c-section, and about an hour later I hear the greatest thing I’ve ever heard before, the cry of our son.

He is precious, perfect, and healthy. Then reality hits: God is fully in control.

I have thought back to this day often over the last month thinking about what our plans were, how we were trying to plan everything down to a “T” and even joking that if JT was born on that Thursday it would have been his first act of obedience to me. How foolish of us to think we had a better plan for life than God himself. As I have looked back I think of all the ways that I was seeking control in a place where there was nothing I could do, I couldn’t get to the hospital faster, I couldn’t make the pain go away, I didn’t know what was going on those monitors (even though I tried to make sense of it for hours). I had no control, but I also knew I could trust in the one who has all things under control. He knew the outcome, prepared our hearts, and blessed us beyond belief. How comforting and sweet it is to surrender our future to an all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful God.